Boat accident alternative

Im tired of hearing about the boating accident excuses... everyone saying this is locking themself of their holdings (if chain alalysis has eye on them). Why not connect to tor/vpn and send the whole balance to another adresse and just say that someone stole your bitcoins ????

I know we can buy p2p but im asking for the majority who are buying off KYC exchanges. I believe coinjoins are not enough because exchanges still know we bought from them.

Are there other things we can do/say to make chain analysis believe we got rid of our holdings.

Edit: i am not looking to sell my holdings, no tax evasion here. I just want to avoid the government stealing it from me. Think what happened with executive order 6102.