Neighbor’s cat keeps staring at me. Should I be concerned?

Alright listen up. I just finished the most comprehensive Bitcoin analysis of my life. I have connected every dot. Every line. Every candle. I have connected to the Bitcoin sentience by staring at the chart for 36 hours without blinking.

Here’s what the chart says:

• On the 1-minute chart: chaos
• On the 1-hour chart: confusion
• On the daily chart: mild optimism
• On the monthly chart: ABSOLUTE DESTINY

When you overlay:
– A logarithmic rainbow chart
– A 200-week moving average
– A hand-drawn rocket emoji
– Global M2 money supply
– The vibes of everyone who sold too early

You get one conclusion:

BTC IS GOING TO $1,000,000 AND IT’S GOING THERE VIOLENTLY.

Key breakout signal:
The candles have formed a rare pattern known as the
"FOMO-Adjusted Parabolic Destiny Wedge"

Historically this pattern results in:
• +400% in 3 weeks
• +900% in 2 months
• +infinite gains if you never sell

Risks:
– A meteor
– Global internet outage
– Everyone suddenly agreeing on monetary policy

Otherwise, upside only.

Price target:
$250k short term
$1M medium term
$10M once your uncle texts “should I buy Bitcoin?”

This is not financial advice.
This is a prophecy.